GaGA! Growing and Getting Awesome… the Official Loving the Pregnant You Blog

Disappointed…yet still ready and willing to enjoy the experience

Supriya had planned a natural, vaginal delivery. When she had been in labor for about 25 hours and pushing hard for four or five hours, it clicked in her mind that she might need a cesarean. After a few moments of struggling with that idea, she felt a flow of acceptance and thought, “Okay, let’s just do a c-section.” She knew she was doing a 180-degree change from the whole natural delivery that she had planned. Yet, once she reconciled the choice, she didn’t feel a lot of angst. It was becoming painfully clear to her that the pushing and vaginal delivery wasn’t progressing the way one would want.

She didn’t voice her thoughts about the c-section out loud. She was adjusting to the idea in her own head. About two hours later the hospital staff called for an emergency c-section, and Supriya was ready. She agreed, and she enjoyed the experience. She described it as “neat” when they reached into her belly. She could feel the hands inside of her, and then the hands lifting her baby out. She could feel her belly and her organs sink down when they took her son out. She didn’t feel any pain and was completely numb, but she could feel the sensations. She took them in and enjoyed them.

Then she saw them carry her baby past her to clean him up.; She saw his legs go by and she thought, “He’s so beautiful. Look at those legs!” Then her son started crying, and she thought, “Wow, what a beautiful voice!” Then his dad held him, and his Aunt held him, and then eventually Supriya got to hold him after they had sewn her up and taken care of her well-being. Yet, she didn’t resent the delay at all. She was grateful there were loved ones there to hold her son while she wasn’t available.

I was struck by just how open and how present to the miracle Supriya was, regardless of how it showed up. There were a few disappointing moments when she realized she wasn’t going to have a natural vaginal birth, and then she saw everything that followed as really beautiful. It wasn’t exactly how she had planned, but she was still there, ready and willing to enjoy the experience.

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