Some women share everything about their pregnancy experience. They feel comfortable to tell all: how they’re feeling physically and emotionally, how many times a day the baby kicks, when and how their belly button popped, their new pant size, what commercials now make them cry, everything! I find myself having 2 immediate reactions to these “open book” women.
One – I judge them to be too open. They should be keeping some of this information private, revered somehow. Or they should only share what other people seem to really care about. They should know their audience. It sounds harsh perhaps, I know. It’s probably because I feel that I share too much at times. And in doing so, I’ve somehow trivialized it. Then, the second reaction is envy. I’m envious that they can share so freely seemingly without concern for how it’s landing for those around them. This is their experience and they are owning it fully. They are relishing in it and sharing about this once in a lifetime experience with those who are interested to listen. It’s great! They should!
When I look deeper, what I really want is for women to share what feels good for them to share. There are so many circumstances, thoughts and emotions that can surround a pregnancy. And just because when we get to the latter stages of pregnancy, it’s very obvious that we’re experiencing a pregnancy – it doesn’t mean that we need to talk about “all of it.” Sarah Palin recently shared that she kept her latest pregnancy a secret because – among other reasons – she needed time to process how she felt about having a baby with down’s syndrome before she opened it up to others to have their reactions. One woman I interviewed – Leslie – talked about her desire to get pregnant only with those people that she knew would be supportive of her desires.
I feel that we all reserve the right to determine what’s public and what’s private and when it feels good for something to become public. And, that we can decide for ourselves who we want to talk to about what. We have the right to share and withhold based on what feels best to us.
Join the conversation: What do you think?
Thanks for this entry! I have the same challenge of what to share and what not to share with our journey with fertility treatments. It’s a bizarre journey (especially sticking your own skin with a needle!) and an emotional roller coaster at times. So, I want to share some of it with close friends who are hopeful for us, but I find myself sometimes sharing more than I meant to…. and when I do that I find that I’ve trapped myself into feeling obligated to keep them posted. So, I’ve told my good friends, “please don’t ask how things are going – I promised I’ll let you know when I’m ready to talk!”
Good for you! And our good friends are those who are ready to hear all of it or none of it or something in between.