We, as parents, are often striving to achieve a multi-faceted range of things in a given week. Or a given day. Or within the hour!!
All too often, I feel it comes down to a choice between 2 activities that I want to do. And, sometimes more than 2 activities! I shouldn’t really complain because it’s a nice problem to have: an overabundance of things I want to do. Yet, sometimes the choices feel super-conflicting and hard in the moment.
Here are some examples of the choices that come up in my life. As you read mine. Be thinking about yours.
- Pick up the kids a little early (because they’ve had 2 long days in a row) OR finish up a client deliverable (for a client I adore which is due tomorrow morning, so if I don’t finish it now I’ll work on it a little bit tonight when the whole family is at home).
- Sign up for another season of marathon training because I know I’m at my best – physically and mentally – when I’m striving towards a personal goal and am increasing my fitness OR be at home with my husband and kids for the next 12 Saturday mornings.
- Spend the next half an hour clearing out my Inbox because I know it will feel SO good to have that handled OR empty the dishwasher because I know it’ll be a help to my husband who will be the only parent home with the kids tonight.
- Get a bunch of little work tasks complete which will feel super productive OR complete the big one that’s been hanging over my head for a while.
I’m a believer that we can have it all. Let me be clear about that. I don’t think we have to choose one priority over another for ALL TIME. We just sometimes can’t have it all in the same exact moment. There’s a choice to be made about how you spend your next 15 minutes or your next 3 months of Saturday mornings. So, how can we make these “for-the-moment” choices?
A primary piece of guidance is our values. Knowing what’s most important to you. Do you know your top 5 values? If you can’t rattle them off, take a few minutes and write down what you believe to be your top 5 values. (Why 5? It’s a good number, just trust me!)
Then when the in-the-moment choices come up, use your values as guidance. My top 5 values are fun, exploration, courage, accomplishment, and flow. So when a decision comes up about whether to wrap up work and pick up the kids a little earlier than usual OR finish up an important client deliverable due the next day, my values can guide me to choose the completion of the client deliverable. Why? Because when I looked to my values in that moment, I could see that it would be interrupting my flow to stop work in that moment and that it would be a disruption to our evening flow to need to work on the client deliverable that night. And, I knew my kids were in a place where they are comfortable, are supported, and are often having loads of fun. My values helped me feel grounded in the choice that I made. If I hadn’t used my values in my decision-making, I probably would’ve felt guilty about not going to pick up the kids early OR would’ve felt unsettled and distracted about not choosing to finish up the client deliverable. I’d have likely had some negative feelings associated with either choice. When I look to my stated values during the process, then I have reasoning to support me emotionally in my choice.
Here’s how Angel looked to her values for guidance during her third pregnancy.
Angel knew that a clean and organized house was good for her family. A clean house helped keep her family healthy. And when the house was organized, everyone knew where to find things. With two young kids who often needed something right now, it helped to have everything in its place.
Yet, when Angel was pregnant with her third baby, she knew she had to make some choices. She needed more time to rest and take care of herself, and she didn’t want to cut back on the time she interacted with her older children. Taking care of herself and playing with her kids became the priority over a neat and organized home. This, she decided, was more in line with her top 5 values. It bugged her at first, not being able to live up to her prior standards, but she let the house go a little bit. It required that she stop comparing herself to how she used to be. It meant that she had to set aside her concerns about not being a good homemaker. Finally, it sometimes even felt liberating! She kept reminding herself of her focus and her choice. She could say to herself, “I could continue to have a perfectly put together house, and I’m choosing to rest or play with my kids instead.”
What’s most important to you? What are your values and how will you use them as guidance in the moment?
