People are passionate – and often highly opinionated – about the choices they make during pregnancy. They should be. It’s an important time.
It’s easy to think that some of the choices we make regarding pregnancy and childbirth are the best choices. Why not? They worked for us for all kinds of reasons that make perfect sense to us.
And, it’s all too easy to slip into judging another mom’s actions. To think she’s getting overly worked up about this or too stringent about that or not clued into the priorities we think she should be.
All of this creates an experience in which we don’t feel supported or empowered.
How do we create what I believe will ultimately serve us all? How do we create a supportive, empowering community of moms?
Here are some ways:
Do pregnancy and childbirth YOUR way. By intentionally creating a pregnancy and childbirth that works well for you, it makes a difference in the world. It makes a difference for you and your immediate family as you’re discovering how to best enjoy the experience. And I also believe it continues to evolve the societal conversation around pregnancy in a positive way. When you insist upon doing pregnancy your unique way, you are letting people know that there are more and more choices out there and that it’s okay to always be considering what’s going to work best for you uniquely. You are letting people know that you want to be supported in your choices. You are letting future mothers know that they are empowered.
Share your stories. I’d encourage you to share about your pregnancy and childbirth experiences. Let others know about what worked for you. Not because other people should do exactly what you did. Yet, instead, to let others know that they, too, can discover what best resonates for them.
There are so many aspects of the pregnancy and childbirth experience that are not shared in everyday, mainstream conversations – such as highly hormonal moments, disappointment when our bodies don’t do what we want or expect, mucus plugs, delivering the afterbirth, pee control (or lack thereof), insecurities about becoming a mom, etc. When we let others know about the weird, the disconcerting, the gross, and the concerning; then they don’t feel weird or as concerned when something similar happens to them.
Be at peace with your choices. Grant yourself permission to make the choices that you know will serve you best, to participate in the activities that will fuel you the most, to approach the process as you best see fit, and to be gentle and compassionate with yourself along the way. It’s easy to feel judged by others and to judge yourself. Persistently strip away what you feel you “should” do to find what you truly want to do. When you are able to do that, you’ll experience empowerment and peace. When you discover what you want and allow yourself to fully pursue it, you will actually be free of judgment – free from judging yourself, others, or the situation. Being totally at peace with your choices, enables you to more easily honor others’ choices.
I love that vision for the world: a world where we simply empower ourselves to discover what works best for us, and in the process, we’re able to eliminate judgment. When we hear an approach that is contrary to our preferred approach, instead of assessing why the choice is a “bad” one, we work to understand why the choice resonates for the other person. We embrace the idea that each person can find her unique way and that there aren’t any “wrong” ways. We empower each woman to be pregnant in her unique way, so she can fully love and honor herself as she’s expecting.
In what ways have we achieved this vision? How has the community of moms supported you?
And, how do we augment the vision? What can we do to further energize and empower each other?
I’d love to hear your thoughts. Thank you for being on this journey together!
