Unfortunately, no one knows what it’s like to be you, the pregnant you, in this moment. Even those who have experienced many pregnancies don’t know. (In fact, I’ve heard it said that the more data points we have, the less we actually know.) What this means is that it rests on your shoulders to let the people around you know how to best support you. They can try to guess, and might even get it right a good portion of the time, but you’re the only one who truly knows. And, there are times that you may not even know and might be thinking: I don’t even know what I need, and I’m supposed to articulate it to others?!” It can take time and energy to do the self-refection. You’ll likely make some missteps along the way. Give yourself a break. You’ve never been in this spot either.
What I want for us women is to be able to say how it is for us (if we know) – authentically, vulnerably – in any given moment. Too often, in life, I think we feel we need to hold back because if we share this then others are going to think we’re too high maintenance, too sensitive, too wimpy, too vane, too analytical, too something. What a gift it could be for us and for others if we would share the real story in real time. We could experience relief as others empathize with us or as we realize that we’re not alone. When we tell others the whole truth, they are able to support us in ways they wouldn’t otherwise know would be helpful.
After weeks of trying to decide whether to approach her manager or not, Jasmine finally told her boss that she was having a hard time focusing during their staff meetings because they were held at 10:00am, the time her morning sickness most often kicked in full force. Although worried that she’d appear weak and needy, Jasmine had come to the conclusion, that regardless of whether the meeting time could be changed or not, she wanted her manager to know that any signs of being unfocused or not fully contributing to the discussion had to do with something outside of her control. She was pleasantly surprised by the response she got. Not only was her boss empathetic, he was so glad she had told him. He hadn’t been able to figure out why she hadn’t had more to say about a few issues brought up at the staff meetings and now he knew why! He scheduled time to get her input on these issues and found a new time for the staff meeting that worked for everyone. Jasmine was glad she set her feelings of vulnerability aside and opened up to her boss.
Please join the conversation: When were you able to tell the whole truth? And, in what ways did you benefit from your sharing?
I have been watching the first season of The Big C on DVD. The main character, played by Laura Linney, is diagnosed w/ stage 4 Melanoma. When she is faced with her own demise, she finally feels as if she can do and say what she really feels/wants/thinks. It makes me ponder why should we wait until we get to that point? Wouldn’t it be refreshing to feel the freedom of doing that now?
I am so excited to have something to share! We had a hard time getting pregnant so when we finally conceived (after 3 1/2 years), we were so thrilled. However, I was pretty sick for the first 5 1/2 months. When people would ask how I was feeling I really struggled to answer. I felt really sick and really excited and blessed. Yet, when I left out the ‘sick’ and just said I was excited, assumptions were made that I was feeling well physically. It was tough for me to find a balance of being real about feeling physically ill and also making sure that I was as clear that emotionally I was overwhelmed with excitement and gratitude.