Who Do You Talk To?

Leslie tends to be fairly open, transparent, and asks a lot of people their opinions. She certainly did this when she was considering adding to her family as a 44 year-old, recently divorced, single Mom. She asked others: What are the implications to the kid? What about the family? What about the sibling, because Leslie had a 7-year-old daughter.  She talked to her therapist. She talked to a woman who made the same choice about six years earlier. She talked to a woman who does social work with Evanston Hospital and works with Moms who have tough pregnancies and things of that nature. She really tried to gather a lot of data, get a lot of opinions, and make sure that she was asking questions so that people could bring things to her attention that she wouldn’t think of on her own. She thought this was a very important process for herself in feeling grounded and at peace with her decisions. Also, in process, she got conscious of exactly where her friends were. She saw who got nervous and itchy when she brought up the topic. She saw who readily jumped into seeing possibilities and sharing ideas. She got clear about who she would and would not lean on heavily throughout her journey. And she didn’t have a lot of judgment around this. She knew that she would need support and help and wanted to know who were the people who were readily able to give it. And if others opted out, so to speak, that was fine. She respected that. She respected other people’s choices – even if those choices looked like them NOT embracing her intention to have another baby at this time.

I appreciate the practicality of Leslie’s approach. If someone is not on board with her choice, or not able to respect her choice, it doesn’t work for Leslie or the other person to be talking and debating – directly or indirectly – about it. Let’s have Leslie get the support where it’s readily available. And let’s not have other people trying to figure out how to communicate to Leslie about how they feel it isn’t a good idea. Let’s not have others pretending that they’re on board with something they’re not. It sounds simple and I think – so often – it’s hard to let it be. See the different perspectives for the different perspectives and let them both be – just be. It’s hard to not judge the other perspective – and other person – as “wrong.” Yet, it’s just another perspective.

So Leslie talked to a lot of people and in the process decided to stop talking to some people.

Please join the conversation: Did you talk to lot of people to try to gather different perspectives? If so, what about? Who did you STOP talking to about certain things and why?