What is in a name? Why do I get so attached?
As I’ve talked with pregnant women lately about their name selection process, I’ve gotten present to how much I like McKenzie’s and Jake’s names. I think the names fit them so well. Really, I was puffing myself up about what a great job we did in the name selection process! And that begs some questions: Do the names fit them or are they fitting their names to some degree? Is there something to the idea that people will relate to a “McKenzie” in a certain way? Would you be surprised to learn that McKenzie is an energetic girl that loves dancing, listening to music and expressing her opinions?
I recently spoke to a woman who couldn’t imagine picking a name for her children BEFORE she saw them – before she met them in the flesh. Her thoughts were: How do I know that the name will fit before I actually see him or her? We want the name to come to us after the baby is born and give the baby a bit of a say – if you will – about what his or her name will be. I loved it. I did the exact opposite, but I loved it!
I would like to say that I’m open to our kids having any nickname they’d like. However, if I’m honest with myself, I am only enthused about certain nicknames. (For example, McKenzie can be called “Mick,” but not “Mac.” She’s “Mc”Kenzie not “Mac”kenzie. You see?) To date, no big nicknames have really stuck. Ah, a little bit of “Kenzie,” a little bit of “Jakey,” but really nothing else. Whew! Don’t be messing with my kids’ names!
I have a friend whose daughter has renamed herself a number of times. Sometimes she chooses names that are known nicknames for her given name. Other times she’s simply claimed, “Donna is my name too!” The names that have stuck have been the ones that are nicknames for her given name Elisabeth. She’s called herself Zeba, and Ella and now she’s known as Ellie. I love that all the people in her life take her request for a new name to heart and begin immediately and consistently calling her by her new professed name – trusting that she knows who she wants to be in the next phase of her life and honoring her choice. As a parent, I wonder if I’d have too many opinions about this. (“No honey, you can’t be “Macky” because your name starts with “Mc” not “Mac.” You see?)
This naming phenomenon is an interesting one to me. It’s a privilege we get as parents. Yet, it does seem that it would be nice, and appropriate, for kids to have a say about their own names. And what about the rest of the world making up a nickname for the child for whom we painstakingly selected what we felt to be a gorgeous name?!
Please join the conversation: How do you feel about people morphing the name you gave your baby? How do you feel about your child morphing the name you gave him or her? Who get’s the bigger say: the parent or the child?
I love this topic! I don’t have my own children but think alot about names and what I am and am not comfortable with. I have a friend who went to the hospital knowing her baby girl as Elsie. When she arrived mom and dad right away thought, ‘she doesn’t look like Elsie.’ Her name is Joey. I love thinking of being prepared with a name but I also appreciate the option to be flexible.
Keri!
Thanks for commenting on the blog entry. Love it! Love the pick a name yet be flexible approach…
When I was taking Psychological Statistics in college I did a small study on the topic of personality and names. I gave personalities tests to 200 students and cross referenced them with the person’s given name or nick name. Interestingly, people with the same names had the same personality traits.
It goes to support your question… Does the personality fit the name because the parents mold the child? Or, does the personality fit the name because society molds the personality based on how it interprets the name?
I did a smaller follow up questionnaire and found that many people had friends or significant others with the same name. If you get along well with people named Amy, you are likely to have several friends named Amy. If your relationships with men named Mark always end in disaster, you are likely to repeat the same patterns there too.
Recently I found out that a friend changed her name when she got divorced. Not just her last name, but all of her name – first, middle, and last. She didn’t move to a new town or change jobs, but she completely changed her name. She felt reinvented. She felt that others came to know a different side of her. Some relationships changed. Was it all due to the name? Probably not. But there’s something to it…
Jennifer, thanks for this! Fascinating. I think it all plays a part. Would you be surprised to know that I know and love a number of Jennifers??! 🙂
First off, as the mother of the aforementioned, “Elisabeth”, I must admit that I drew a sand in the line when my Elisabeth asked me to call her “Trish” (a girl at my high school had that name and a not so great reputation according to my friend Kelli Kitchen, apparently, my reputation could be tainted by even conversing w/ said Trish.) But I digress. The aboriginal peoples often change their name when they feel themselves moving into a new phase of their lives, which was my original impetus to allow the then “Betsi” to change her name b/c as she told me, “Betsi” was a “sad” name. The other thought I had while reading was how in Malawi, where my mom lives, my mom was asked to help name a couple’s child. In Malawi and I suppose many other African countries names are much too important to be entrusted to a young couple, elders must decide the proper name. You may wonder what my mom chose (or maybe not, maybe I’ve already bored you to tears with my rambling…) my name, Debora, b/c she let it slip when we were little that her favorite name is my older sister’s, Susan. Oh, and BTW, have you heard the song, 27 Jennifers??