How do we compare?

Too often when I think about how I’m doing in life, I don’t rate myself in terms of progress – how far I’m come, what I’ve achieved, how I’ve grown and expanded my capacities. Instead I take out my imaginary yardstick and I begin to compare myself to others. Have you done this? I’m really nasty about it. I am downright mean.  And, I’m mean to myself!

When I’m considering how I rate at marketing and growing my business, I compare myself to the best business development person I know. When I consider my level of health and wellbeing, I compare myself to the person who is employed as a personal trainer and runs marathons. When I consider how I’m doing as a Mom…I get so very nasty with myself. I end up comparing myself to this multi-faceted woman (like putting together Angelina’s lips, with Gwyneth’s nose and Jennifer Gartner’s dimples…you know?). I think about the lady who seems so emotionally connected to her children and the Mom who is carefully intentionally about the movies that her children watch, the parents who have thought through exactly how to answer those tough questions: Why is that a bad word Mom? What’s a penis? Why can’t I if the other kids are doing it?, the Mom who plans (and executes!) a weekly home-cooked organic meal plan, etc. And I can’t measure up!

So, what am I to do? There are always going to be women out there who are being more intentional, spending more time, or doing something better in some aspect of mothering.

And we can put additional pressure on ourselves when we’re pregnant – because this is a concentrated period of time. I should be able to pull it together and do it just right for this specified number of months, right!?

So, what am I to do? Here’s what I say.
• Pick what’s most important to you. What are your values? Is it more important to have an organic well-balanced diet each week or to have a variety of games that engage your child’s different senses? But, they are both important! Yes, I know. Which is more important to your family and how you’re committed to living?
• Give yourself a break! As a parent, you’re going to be consistently doing things you’ve never done before. You wouldn’t expect someone to be perfect at tennis the first time they pick up a racket. Give yourself some breaks. We are not going to do it perfectly. We will make mistakes. The sooner we accept this (with each new phase), the sooner we can actually see and learn what we need to see and learn during that phase.
• Accept help. Be resourceful. Your friend does a great job of having age-appropriate videos on hand, ask her for her recommendations. What services can you swap with your neighbor? Where do you not have to do the work because someone else already has?
• Take care of yourself. We can’t take care of others, if we don’t take care of ourselves. This could look like massages, listening to your music, taking time to breathe, going out with friends, curling up with a novel, or calling a friend for a quick joke. It doesn’t have to take a long time…just something for you.

Please join the conversation: What unfair comparisons do you put on yourself? How do you stop worrying about whether you measure up?