Some people share with everyone that they’re pregnant right when they first learn it. There’s no stopping them from sharing the information. The thought of keeping it to themselves for the first trimester – or any amount of time – never occurs to them. How could they be related to people when they are keeping the biggest news ever from them? That’s great. Some would say that that has lots of people immediately at work in the universe thinking about your pregnancy and intending for everything to work smoothly for you so you grow that beautiful, healthy, happy baby. You’ve got the energy of all your loved ones with you and him/her from the start!
Others don’t want to share the information until after they reach week 12 or week 10, whatever it is. And that can be kinda fun too – can’t it? It’s this wonderful little (in size, but large in what it means) secret about the miracle growing inside of you. It’s like you have this little creation that you know is going to transform the world – especially your own! You walk around like the cat that ate the canary all day – just bursting with energy and nobody knows why! And when you do finally get some time with the 1 other person that does know – you are just busting to share why everything seemed different to you. How everything now relates to the timing of when the baby will be born. How you’re imagining how different people will react when you tell them, how you plan to tell people. It’s fun to have this information to yourself and it’s going to be fun to share it.
Some people have strong feelings about not sharing the news until after the likelihood of miscarriage is down to a really, really small number. They think it’s a jinx or they think about the possibility of having to tell all the people in their lives that they lost the baby. If you’re of that mindset – pay attention to yourself. Do what feels right and good for you. If it works to not share – don’t share. If it works to share – feel free to shout it from the rooftops.
So, here’s how it was for me. It had something to do with tradition. We didn’t tell most people until the 3rd month. That way the first trimester had a different feel to it than the second trimester. In the first months, we had our little, glorious secret. We were talking about what it meant to us and our immediate family. We were planning about how we’re going to tell others. We put together our plans to transform the house to fit another person. It was our time to be with each other and sort through our thoughts and feelings without other people’s opinions – even without other people’s “knowing.” It felt special and intentional and intimate. Not telling for a time is what worked for us.
Conversely, you may prefer to include everyone in on this time. Whatever works for you! I also think it works for me to not tell everyone right away because then the pregnancy would seem longer! Not true, but you see how my mind looks at it.
Please join the conversation: How do you see it? When did you share the news? (Or when do you think you want to share the news?) Why did (does) that timing feel good?
My wife was showing at about 8 weeks and everyone guessed!! The 12 week time frame seems to be the generally accepted rule.
You might be interested in my blog if you want to know how your partner’s feeling during pregnancy!
All the best,
Ben
So does that mean you could be pregnant right now and we just wouldn’t know about it?
I an 20 weeks and haven’t told anyone but my immediate family. We are expecting #6 and I don’t want my exciting news to be craped on by friends and family who think we have too many. I might gust wait until the baby gets here and then announce his or her birth. But I might just post it on facebook and call it a day.
Oh that’s a great question! That does mean that! And, I’m not pregnant….truthfully. 🙂
For our first, we didn’t tell anyone till about week 11. It was great to have the secret to ourselves, to adjust to it and get ready to share. My boss actually guessed that I was pregnant! She asked me out for sushi, and when I refused, she guessed! Actually, that was pretty cool because I had shared with her a miscarriage I had had right before that, so she knew we were trying and was very supportive.
With our second, we told people around 8 weeks. I figured if we miscarried, we would want the support of our friends and family…
Our first pregnancy, we told just our family around 7 weeks…the next three pregnancies were around the 12 week mark. The reasons were mixed… I didn’t want to explain a miscarriage if that happened, but really, it was just nice to adjust to the prospect of a new baby with just my husband and I. It was a fun little secret that we had all to ourselves. If we have it in our future to be pregnant again, I do not think we would change anything. After going through the loss of a child, it would bring even more meaning to having that “secret” bond between us.
We went through IVF, so our immediate family and some close friends knew and were very eager to hear that it was successful. They are exactly the people I would have wanted to lean on if it wasn’t successful. We continued to see the fertility doctor for about 8 weeks, so it just felt right to let others know at the end of the first trimester when I’d switched to a regular OBGYN. Now at almost 22 weeks it is very fun to share with everyone!