Denise felt certain about 2 things after the birth of her second child. One – that she would give birth again. Two – that this was her last child. Huh. What did that mean? How these two thoughts could occur in the same space – of this she was uncertain. Her exploration began.
She didn’t have to create a big research project. Instead, information just kept flowing her way. As she was open to it, she began to hear more about and learn more about becoming a surrogate. She began to get clearer on how it might work for her. For example, she knew she would want to use someone else’s egg. She was certain that in vitro could work for her. She continued to be exposed to different ways people were becoming parents. It made more and more sense to her. So she told just one person that she’d like to be a surrogate. Then, from that one conversation, she had 2 people approach her. One was one half of a gay couple. There was more processing for Denise to do. Was she concerned that the child wouldn’t have a mother? For a while she thought she was, ultimately she wasn’t. It took a number of months for both parties to ponder what there was to ponder. So, it wasn’t a choice that was crystal clear for anyone at the onset.
I think that we often think that big, heartfelt decisions like these should come to us clearly, with conviction, without any doubt. And this is a good example of how that’s not always the case – how it’s useful to stay in an inquiry until there’s a level of comfort and peace around the choice. Often these types of choices take time – time for us to become aware of what we’re feeling, look closely at what we’re thinking and allow ourselves the time that the processing process wants. We often feel we should know – and know right away – about something this important. Have you heard someone lament: If I wanted to have children, don’t you think I should know? If we’re questioning this, maybe we shouldn’t do it.
Denise and the couple didn’t know right away. And they knew when it was time to move forward. And today the couple has a beautiful healthy daughter.
Please join the conversation: : When should you just “know” and when should you take the time to process the choice? With what choices was it important for you to take your time?
