There are reasons that pregnancy is nine months long (or ten months long, depending on how you count). Do you agree? There are things that I needed to learn before my baby came out of the womb. On a basic level, there were shifts occurring in my daily routine – drinking very little alcohol, not staying up late on the weekends – during my pregnancy that prepared me for taking care of an infant. And, believe me, it really worked for me that these changes could evolve over time. I didn’t want to go cold turkey on all the life style changes!
Then there were things I learned about my capacities during my pregnancy. There were lessons I learned that I wouldn’t have learned if there hadn’t been my baby in my belly. I learned how to let go and look messy in front of others. I had “crazy” hormonal emotions come up and at first I resisted them, trying to stamp them down and hide them from everyone. This made me more crazy. I had to learn to surrender, let the hormones be, even tell people they were there, and show up however the hormones had me showing up. I learned how to take better care of myself.
During my first pregnancy, it was a stretch for me to allow myself to sleep in one day a week and to limit my evening commitments to 2 a week. (Hard to imagine now!) Thank goodness McKenzie made me tired and made me pay attention! I learned to trust my instincts. I had important decisions to make about pediatricians, daycare, where I wanted my baby to be born, etc. These questions represented a variety of decision types – many of which I wasn’t used to making. I learned what’s important in life. There were a lot of seemingly important things with which I had been filling my life. In pregnancy, I could see – like I hadn’t ever previously been able to see – that love and truly being with people is the gold in life. I learned to take accountability. My baby was in my belly – there was no hiding things from her (and then from him). I couldn’t pretend that I didn’t eat the 4 chocolate chip cookies (okay, it was more than 4). I had to step up and be the role model. A great lesson to learn before parenting a child outside of the womb!
I needed a good 9 months to learn these lessons. I wasn’t a fast study!
Note: I didn’t say that I became perfect at these things. My babies just allowed me to make some significant (and much needed) headway in these arenas!
Even though it is our job as parents to be teachers for our children, I think our children are the true teachers. This is not a new concept, I know. A recent article in Savvy Source talks about how our children teach us to be resilient and reflective.
Please join the conversation: What did you learn from your baby in your belly?
With my first pregnancy, I fought against the idea of “baby brain” — being more forgetful and scatterbrained, due both to hormones and due to having an important new person to focus on! But this was an important part of preparation for parenthood. After my first son was born, I realized this didn’t go away — life was more complicated, and I just couldn’t track as much stuff as I could before. I used to pride myself on remembering everything that happened, especially in fights with my husband (he: “You never told me about that!” me: “Yes I did, on this date”). Now, I can’t really vouch for anything! We actually invented a word for this in our relationship — “flurble”. This means, either you didn’t tell me or I don’t remember. Saves a lot of time in arguments!
Anyway, the coping strategies I put in place when I was pregnant have served me very well as a parent, and through my second pregnancy as well. I am a rabid list-maker and calendar-keeper. Where I used to resent having to write things down because I could no longer track everything in my head, I now rely on my written tracking for all my commitments, and this leaves me more time and energy to focus on my family.
Jen, awesome example. Thanks so much for sharing it.