We all know what happens when we assume, yet is it SO easy to do. I know I assume, especially when someone is experiencing something that I’ve already experienced. I know what she is feeling, right? I’ve been there. Well, I may not at all. There are things that I don’t know about her set of circumstances, I don’t know what she’s thinking and feeling unless she’s told me.
Jennifer had been married a few years when they got pregnant. People assumed this was terrific news. It wasn’t… initially. Her marriage and finances were not on strong footing and Jennifer didn’t feel that this was at all the right time to add a baby into the mix. She was upset and dealing with being upset. And now people were assuming she was excited. So, where does this leave Jennifer? In a place where many of us would feel frustrated, misunderstood, alone, without support. Where could she go in these circumstances? Who could she talk to?
There are things that we feel we can’t do in mainstream society. We’re not supposed to talk about how we’re not excited about the baby growing inside of us – especially if we’re married and have the “appropriate” circumstances. I wish that all women could share authentically about what’s going on in their hearts and minds and get the support and listening that they need. And, I wish that all of us were properly equipped to be able to participate in these conversations. I don’t know that I am!
If I had been a person in Jennifer’s life at the time, would I have been able to provide useful support? How would I have known that she wasn’t excited about the pregnancy? How would I be able to be with thoughts and feelings that I wasn’t familiar with?
Here are some thoughts:
· Listen – really listen – to the other person. What is she saying and not saying?
· Trust our intuition. If we sense that there’s something more…just ask. I think we worry too much about saying the wrong thing, possibly offending someone, and we hold back right when the other person might desperately need us to reach out.
· Ask open ended questions. This is where we try our best not to assume! Ask how she’s doing, what she’s feeling, what she needs and be prepared for her to say anything.
· State what we desire for them. “I want you to be at peace and enjoy the journey.” How can I support you?
Join the conversation: What ideas do you have? How can we avoid making assumptions?
[…] We all know what happens when we assume! […]