Savvy source recently published an article about what parents learn in preschool. It points out that when we, as parents, are seeking out a preschool, “we’re not only choosing teachers for our kids, we are also potentially gaining partners and guides in our own parenting efforts.” I love to relate to my kids’ daycare teachers as partners. They have helped me teach “baby signs” to my kids, helped to get my kids to eat a better variety of food, helped me know when it feels most appropriate to start trying underwear instead of pull-ups, and much, much more. I’m delighted to not have to cook up green beans that won’t get eaten! My daughter knows the days of the week, I didn’t teach her! These teachers have the experience of seeing many, many kids through the phases that my kids are now experiencing. It’s such a relief to know they are working with me.
I also know that it’s easy to see others as critics instead of partners. When I’m told that McKenzie did not have her listening ears on today, I can get defensive. When a teacher or a grandparent or another parent makes a suggestion, I can hear it as a criticism instead of a suggestion. Why can’t I just hear it as a suggestion and then decide whether I want to try it or not? Why do I make it mean that I am deficient in some way? It’s just a suggestion!
When we’re pregnant – especially for the first time – and we’re surrounded by people who have been pregnant at some point in the past, we can feel inundated with information and advice and suggestions! How can we – again – take in the information and hear the suggestions and then calmly decide what we want to take on and what we want to disregard?
Please join the conversation: How can we begin to think of others as partners instead of critics? How can we take suggestions for what they are – suggestions?
I totally know what you mean, when it comes to parenting in particular it is so easy to get defensive. The times I am able to just listen to the comment and not take it personally is so wonderful and empowering.
Yeah, and I can get defensive whether I feel I’m doing a great job OR know that I’m not…
I think it must be our instinctive defense mechanism. “this is my child and I will take care of him and protect him no matter what”. I know that when I was pregnant I got alot of unsolicited advice-most of which I just nodded at and then ignored. But when my son was born I was a Lioness poised for attack. Not sure if it was the lack or sleep or the raging hormones but nobody was safe, not even my sister who has raised 5 amazing kids. Now that my son is a year old I am a bit more relaxed about receiving advice but I really still feel that my husband and I know what is best for him. However, I found a pediatrician who I respect so very much and is as leary of Western medicine as I am but is also a realist and has our son’s best interest at heart. I hope that when the time comes to send him to preschool we will find a place that is similarly likeminded and that we will then be able to trust in the advice of experts we are comfortable with. I also always try to consider the source-is the advice coming from someone whose opinion I respect? I have learned that experience alone is no reason to trust the advice offered. The wife of our old vet told me to put a choke collar on our 8 week old puppy to teach him to stop pulling. These are widely accepted as inhumane and yet with 35 years of experience under her belt this is what she had to offer…..At the end of the day we all just have to do what works for us and our own, unique experience of raising a family. Good luck to us all!
Thanks for your comments Deann. It’s great to intentionally surround ourselves with people whose perspectives are aligned with ours!