Lettie’s pregnancy – her third one – was a crazy ride. How so? In her words, “I had such a diversity of adversity.” Lettie was seeking out the care and doctor’s practice that would best fit her. She wanted a place that felt good and that would do a VBAC after 2 c-sections. She was confused to find that she could not readily find medical or midwifery practices that would do this. She was frustrated by the discovery that it seemed a facility had to have a VBAC rider on their medical insurance in order to provide such service. She felt she was having her choices taken away from her. Instead of staying in a place of frustration, she chose to accept that she would have another c-section. Even though she wouldn’t be able to experience that “more natural” experience of vaginal birth, she would still have her healthy and happy baby and she could still do what she could – inside the parameters of a c-section – to create what she wanted. She began to consider: How do I want the experience to feel?
While she was in that exploration, she got another piece of unexpected news. When her doctor’s office told her she shook her head in disbelief. Since Lettie was going to be opened up for her c-section and since she was pregnant with what she knew would be her third and last child, she decided to have her tubes tied at the same time. The response she got from her doctor’s office startled her. It was a faith-based practice that didn’t conduct that procedure. What? I didn’t expect this. I didn’t see this coming. I’ve accepted that I can’t have the vaginal birth I wanted, I’m comfortable with my doctor and the surroundings here, and now you’re telling me that I can’t get what was going to be the extra benefit of getting a c-section? Well, this was a non-negotiable for Lettie. So, her disbelief was around the thought that I’m going to switch doctors at 30 weeks? Well, yes she was. For Lettie, it wasn’t so much: Ugh, I can’t believe I HAVE to switch doctors! Instead, it was more like: Wow, I can’t believe I’m going to switch doctors at this point in my pregnancy.
Yet, based on what she ultimately wanted – although one might think that she didn’t want to change doctors at this point – she knew she was going to. Her desire to be able to take care of getting her tubes tied was stronger than her desire to stay with her current doctor’s practice.
I spoke to Lettie when she was 35 weeks pregnant and she had found a new doctor and there wasn’t any angst about it – just this story that she now has about her multi-pathed journey to find the doctor that she’d ultimately work with to deliver her baby. Now she was in the space of determining who would be there, what practices and activities she wanted present during the experience. She now knows the exact date that her daughter, Imani, will be born and it has come to be that this is the same time that a lady from her church will be in town for a short 3 day layover. And she has agreed to hold vigil. Lettie is delighted and feels this was meant to be. There is another spiritual practitioner who will hold vigil as well and Lettie has a meeting scheduled with her pediatrician to create what they can to have the experience be as peaceful for her and Imani as it can be.
I’m inspired by how Lettie was able to accept the circumstances and ask herself: Okay, given this, what do I want? What do I ideally create now?
Please join the conversation: When have you been able to accept what’s come your way? How did you move past the disappointment into a space of creating what you want inside of the new set of circumstances?
