It seems that people feel some sort of amazing freedom or audacity – I don’t know what it is – to say what they’d like to the pregnant women in their life. They provide unsolicited advice and simply say whatever occurs to them in the moment to say. It often doesn’t seem like there’s any “filtering” when interacting with pregnant women.
I’m suggesting that there should be!
As I walk around as a pregnant woman and as I hear the stories from others’ pregnancies, I’m amazed! Here are some examples:
- “No, you can’t use sugar substitute. Don’t do that!” (from a stranger)
- “Wow, you’re so small. Are you sure the babies are okay?” (to an expectant mother of twins)
- “You should eat more.” (to a woman who is often keeping down only 1 meal a day due to nausea)
- “Wow, are you getting big!” (is said frequently!)
- “I’m an intuitive and I’m picking up a bad vibe. When is your next Doctor’s appointment? It’s not life threatening, bu something is going on with the baby. I’m sensing something with the delivery and that you’ll experience pain. If you were thinking about doing a natural childbirth, I wouldn’t do that. Maybe it’s just that the baby will be breech and you’ll need a c-section and that will be okay.” (said to me at a professional networking event)
And women hear opinions about their choice of care, “I’ve heard awful things about Dr. _____,” and about their choice of hospital, “That’s the last place I’d choose to have a baby.”
What is it about that pregnant belly that gives people the license to share? Is it that we’re doing something that is so public? You see the belly and you automatically know one of the most important and most amazing things going on in our lives. Is it that people hold the process of bringing a human into the world as so important that they feel they have to provide any information that might support the woman in this process? Because this process has been accomplished billions of times, do people think they know all about it?
Please join the conversation: Why do you think that people talk openly and freely with pregnant women?
And, I want to be clear that people say many, many lovely things to pregnant women. I relish the excitement that people share with me. The reactions of those in my life have been a true blessing.
I am, however, very curious about why we as a human race are so uncensored when it comes to sharing our thoguhts and feelings with pregnant women – without checking first about what’s going on for them or what they’re intending.
