One thing that I want for expectant mothers is for it to be Okay for us to talk about our full range of emotions around pregnancy – the good, the bad, and the everything in between. I want it to be okay for a woman to say that she’s not excited about the baby growing in her tummy right now, even if she’s married, has a big house, and has all circumstances that “seem” ideal for a baby to come into the picture. I want her to be able to express that and not be judged. I want it to be okay for a woman to gush on about how much she loves pregnancy and has never felt better and how beautiful and proud she feels – just be able to go on and on and not worry about whether people will think she’s a Pollyanna fool.
We feel we have to hold so much back for fear of judgment, I think. I want us to be able to share and not have the other person assume that that is the “whole” story. I want them to get that they are seeing a snapshot of the whole truth. It is not the totality of the experience. Wouldn’t it be great to share how you’re feeling without feeling like you’ve got to qualify it or explain the bigger picture inside of which it fits? To have someone get that this is our emotion that we’re feeling now and it doesn’t mean that we feel this way all of the time or even any significant portion of the time. It may be the only time we feel it. I want it to be okay to talk about all of it: the concerns, the unexpected gifts, the miracle of it, the weird and gross aspects of pregnancy, the vast array of things that can come up.
I’m not entirely sure how this becomes possible. I think it starts with us allowing ourselves to be with all of it. To be able to say to ourselves, “Yes, I wanted this to look like X and it’s looking like Y right now and I’m embarrassed and ashamed about that.” If we can’t admit it and accept it ourselves, then we’re not going to have judgment-free conversations with others. We’ll be defensive about something, if we’re not in a place of fully accepting it.
It continues with sharing openly and vulnerably. When we can allow ourselves to authentically experience the full range of thoughts and emotions, then we’re in a place where we can offer an extremely impactful gift to others. When we share openly, we give others the opportunity to breathe it in and get, “I’m not alone.” I may have my own unique version of what she’s talking about, but I’m not alone. Relief. Others feel it too. Others are dealing with something similar.
Please join the conversation: When are you able and not able to be with it all? When are you able to share openly and vulnerably? And when are you not able?
