When you’re pregnant one of the things you get to do is pick a name for your child! This has always occurred as an exciting, creative process for me: throwing out options, narrowing it down with your partner. I think of it as fun, fun, fun! I was almost disappointed in both of our pregnancies when we had decided on names for both genders because now the naming task was over! Darn. Now, I know it may not occur that way for everyone. If you and your partner are not on the same page about names you like, it can be challenging. It may just occur as too much pressure for some. How can you name this person when you only have the tiniest glimpse of who they’re going to be? Will the name you give him or her affect how people relate to them? Think about what pops to mind as you hear different names…Gretchen, Bob, Marco, Buffy, Sue, Laurent. It’s natural to already be “attaching” thoughts and feelings and perceptions to these names.
Now, I enjoyed finding out the gender of our children at 20 weeks and then letting everyone know what would be her and his name, respectively. It felt fun to be relating to babies in the belly as “McKenzie” and “Jake”. We could begin to talk about what McKenzie was doing and how Jake was so laid back. We all knew that my office was getting converted into Jake’s room. It was fun for us to hear others talking about them as little people – as they were already little people! They were just hidden from “regular” viewing in the belly.
Finding out the gender and deciding and sharing a name at 20 weeks is not the most common approach out there. Some just love, love, love the moment at birth when they find out the gender of their baby. They couldn’t dream of ruining that special moment of discovery. Some don’t want to share names because they don’t want the opinions and comments of others. (We would preface our announcement with: “Okay, now this name is decided. So we don’t want to hear anything negative about it…”). Some don’t share names because it’s something they get to keep secret – their first “family” secret. They can privately grow more accustomed to and in love with the name they’ve picked. Some need the full 40 weeks to choose a name! And I’m sure there are many other reasons out there for the choices people make around the naming of a baby.
I want us all to respect the choices that other people make around finding out gender and sharing names. And, this is easier said than done. I know for myself, when I know someone has picked a name and they’re not sharing it….uuugh! I just want to know! I think, “Why not?” when it would be very lovely to think, “Good for you. That’s great. Enjoy this.”
Please join the conversation: Did you find out gender? Did you share your name(s)? Why did these choices work for you?
Hey Amy– I had a friend who decided to not share the name they had picked for their baby boy which only prompted me to shout names at her every time I saw her in hopes of catching her off guard and having her accidentally reveal the name to me. (Usually I would guess names like “Will Wilkinson” b/c the last name was “Wilkinson” to which my friend would cringe.) Didn’t happen, I had to wait ’till after the birth.
Debi! That’s great! I love that approach. We can be understanding…but it doesn’t mean that we can’t employ some humor or trickery!! 🙂
Before my daughter was born, we had picked out a boy’s name, but not a girls name. When asked at the Thanksgiving table what our names were I said, if it’s a girl, we don’t know…if it’s a boy, it’s Chase Michael. And an extended member of the family said, (with a thick Irish accent) “That’s a horrible name! Why would you do that to a child?” I was so confident in my choice that it didn’t even rattle me. But I wondered where her manners were! Well, needless to say, our baby was a girl. But Chase Michael was born 5 years later. And he is the perfect Chase! In every sense of the word!
Yah!! Good for you! I love that it didn’t even rattle you, nicely done. And, Chase is a cool, UNIQUE name!! (said the girl named “Amy” to the girl named “Amy”…)
When I first found out we were pregnant, I was sure I didn’t want to find out the gender until the baby arrived. But the closer we got to the ultrasound, the more I wanted to know whether the little creature in my belly was a boy or a girl, and I realized that I would be just as excited with the suprise at 20 weeks as I would in the delivery room. We still haven’t settled on a name yet, but we’ve narrowed it down to 3. I think we won’t make the actual decision till he arrives, and see what name seems to fit this little guy. Who knows, it might not even be one of the ones left on our list!
Holly!
So great to hear from someone who is pregnant currently! And, is literally in the midst of looking at what feels best and making these choices. Thanks for sharing what’s going on with you.
I love the idea of you meeting him in person first and then letting him – in a way – have a bit of say about his name!
with my first 2 we didn’t find out what we were having and shared names for either gender. I didn’t get remarks either way and wouldn’t have cared it was our decision and our child. When # 3 came along we found out that she had Spina Bifida. Finding out the sex and naming her was the best thing we could have done. We were able to identify with our daughter and who she was rather than carrying a baby with Spina Bifida. I have to add she is awesome and doing great!
Rhonda,
Thank you for commenting on the blog.
Sounds like it was important and useful to make those choices that you made during Isabelle’s pregnancy.
I’m so delighted she’s doing great. You are an amazing family!
As a yoga teacher and an aging “hippie” I was convinced in 1977 that the name I chose for my baby should be inspiring – something to strive for, sort of a mission statement and road map for his/her life’s journey. Back then, learning my baby’s gender early was a new technology I chose to forego.
I practiced and taught yoga daily. By the time I went into labor on November 1st (all saints’ day), I was still undecided. I was one of the early moms to use the new birthing center at IL Masonic. Attended by my midwife and best friends, focused at a deep, peaceful level, Shanti Freja (Sanskrit for “peace that surpasses understanding”; Freja – the Scandinavian goddess of love and beauty) was born into our circle of family.
PEACE. It’s a big responsibility for a little baby but now at 30, mothering her own first daughter (16 months), I acclaim Shanti’s thoughtful loving, her choices, her openness. It makes me think sometimes, that I did something right along the way. I let her be who she is and she opened like a flower.
Three years after Shanti’s birth I was pregnant again. This pregnancy was a surprise I was having trouble connecting with. At three months, Shanti and I went camping in the wilds of northern Minnesota with a dear friend. After a golden afternoon nap I was awakened by an audible voice that told me, “My name is Larkin!!!” It was the beginning of the true connection that has marked our lives as mother and son. Though I’d never heard the name before, and though I tried on others over the next few months, nothing else fit. I figured if my baby felt so strongly about who he was, I needed to honor that conviction.
Larkin was born at home after a two hour labor. He’s been in a hurry ever since!
Joan, so great to hear form you!
What a lovely name you gave your daughter.
How great to honor Larkin’s conviction.
You have great stories to share.
Peace to you,
Amy