Sunday was Father’s Day. The fathers in my life do a great job of appreciating their immediate and extended families. So much so, that the day – as I reflect back on it now – felt like more of a celebration of family than a tribute to the Dads. What the Dads – my Dad, my father-in-law, my husband – wanted was to be with their families doing something that everyone would consider fun. So, we had a visit to a small petting zoo, a cookout, quiet time at home, sharing of photos, and watching videos of the kids. The Dads in my life appreciate the small stuff and seem to be fueled by creating fun and togetherness for the family.
I spend a lot of time thinking about the Mom’s role, perspective, thoughts and emotions during a pregnancy and childbirth. I spend less time thinking about Dad’s role or perspective. And, if I do, it’s often from the standpoint of whether or not he’s fulfilling on HER wishes…
If I were to make up what I think Dads should be acknowledged for it would include the following:
He steps into the support role, even when he so often has no idea what would be the best way to support us. We appreciate the willingness and a least taking a guess at what might be useful at any given moment in a pregnant woman’s life.
I’d imagine that there could be such a sense of helplessness as he’s watching his partner in pain going through the childbirth process. There’s a limited amount a Dad can do to help. He can’t take on the labor pain for us, he can’t make us feel great about feeling totally vulnerable in front of our doctors or midwifes, he can’t tell us what to expect or how much longer it will take, etc. Thank you for sitting with or dealing with that sense of helplessness..
He also doesn’t get to experience what’s been described to me by women I’ve interviewed as the “right of passage,” the privilege, the completely empowering knowledge that we created and gave birth to our babies. Thank you for acknowledging us for what we’ve accomplished.
This is not a comprehensive list, I know. What else should my kids’ Dad be acknowledged for? I’m embarrassed to say that I’m not sure. I’m looking forward to asking him!
To our babies’ Daddies, I for one know that I could not have done it without you. Thank you for making our families and experiences complete.
Please join the conversation: What do you appreciate the Dads in your life for? How do baby Daddies contribute in the pregnancy and childbirth process? How do they not get to contribute?
Amy,
Thanks for remembering us Dads. I can identify with the feeling of helplessness that you mentioned during childbirth. I vividly remember stepping out of the labor room into the hallway, squatting down and just resting. A nurse came by, leaned down close to me, and asked, “How are you doing?” It was so meaningful to me. I knew Cheryl was enduring the long pain of labor, but I so wanted to be able to help and support her.
In terms of acknowledging us Dads, one main thing popped into my head. First and foremost, we are providers. Even in these days of dual incomes, the messaging we’ve received from childhood is that it is our job to provide a safe, happy home for our families. That may mean providing income, providing a house that works, ensuring cars are serviced, landscaping, repairs, financial stability… whew! It’s all about making sure everyone is – and will be – OK. It’s like we’re the plumbing – it ain’t all that glamorous when it’s working, but you really know it’s importance when it’s not working.
So, let’s acknowledge Dad for often standing in the background, but always making sure everyone is OK!
Well said Lee! Thanks for sharing this. You’re so right – Kevin takes care of all that unglamorous, preventative maintenance stuff – from changing furnace filters to updating our will. Thanks Dad for making sure we’re OK.
Wow, there’s so much I could write about here, since my husband is an AWESOME dad. But if you just focus on pregnancy, I would say:
– Being a constant source of love and patience throughout the stresses, anxiety and weirdness of pregnancy
– Being attracted to me as my body transforms in surprising ways (and articulating that attraction!)
– Being a source of sanity, humor, and groundedness through hormonal ridiculousness
Jen! I always love your contributions. They are so spot on. Acknowledgements to your hubby — wow, he’s amazing! And so are you. 🙂