When she got pregnant, Ellen felt the burden of what was going to be needed physically during her pregnancy. She’d gain a bunch of weight, potentially get stretch marks, be tired, and risk interventions and potential surgery during the delivery process – just to name some of the biggies. She clearly knew she physically wouldn’t come out of this journey the way she went into it. She thought about all the sacrifices she’d be making with her body. She got herself pretty worked up about it and was thinking that her husband had better be praising her day and night for what she was doing!
Ellen admitted she’d gotten the martyr act down pretty well. She knew it wasn’t necessarily the best thing to be feeling like she was making a “whole body” sacrifice day after day. Yet, she didn’t know how to shift her thinking. Her body was totally consumed in this process and her body would never be the same. Those were facts. She couldn’t find a way to argue with this.
Then, one day Ellen felt her baby move. At least she thought she did! She tuned in and indeed she repeatedly felt a little flip in her belly. Ellen was beyond excited. She put her husband’s hand on her stomach, pressing it in the right place. No matter how she positioned his hand, he couldn’t feel it. It would be another month before he could feel their baby move. The realization rushed into her body: She had the privilege of having a connection with her baby that her husband and no one else in her baby’s life would ever, ever have. She was sharing literal space and nutrients with this little being. She was housing and growing a baby. What a miracle! The world shifted in that moment. It was no longer a sacrifice, it was a privilege.
This doesn’t mean that Ellen stopped lamenting about some of the physical changes she endured during pregnancy. She still wasn’t thrilled with all her responsibilities as birth mom. She was – however – done being a martyr. She didn’t need daily appreciation, from her husband, about what she was physically doing. She appreciated what she got to do each day as the expectant mother. She felt lucky, and she told her husband she was sorry that he wasn’t able to experience firsthand what she had the joy of experiencing.
For all of us: How do we acknowledge and appreciate ALL that we do as moms…yet, also not feel over-burdened or martyr-ish?
During my pregnancy I was so tired to carry with it. And potentially I was gaining my weight just to have an idea that I may not suffer when I’m going to labor. But, I was appreciated with myself because I am containing what I have eaten not just like before that I have it too much what I want to eat. self disciplined is good to us.
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