Tricia didn’t believe that asking for help would create a win-win. She thought she’d feel weak and like a pest and that her in-laws would feel burdened. She was wrong.
Asking for help DOES create win-wins. Sometimes even a win-win-win!
When Tricia was pregnant with her second baby, her husband was traveling for work most of each week and she found herself overly tired and frustrated taking care of her toddler son and the household on her own. She felt like she had no time for herself. She got annoyed enough with the situation that she forced herself to ask her in-laws if they would watch her son one night a week.
This felt like such an audacious request to Tricia. It didn’t feel like a win-win request. She thought she should’ve been able to tend to her family all on her own. Yet, a voice was telling her that she had to find a way to get some time for herself. So, she asked. And they accepted!
At first Tricia used these evenings to vacuum, dust, prepare meals, grocery shop, and other things that are easier to do without a toddler underfoot. Then, she started sprinkling in dinners with girlfriends, an occasional massage, leisurely walks around the neighborhood, and curling up with a good book. She shifted from scurrying around trying to check as many things off her list as she could in this time, to treasuring the slowed-down time with herself. It became an opportunity to reconnect with who she was and what she enjoyed. She felt refueled after these evenings. They were a big “win” for her!
It started to look like a win-win situation!
Much to her delight, her family enjoyed the new arrangement as well. The bond that grew between grandson and grandparents during Tricia’s pregnancy was one that positively altered their relationships going forward. Her son knew that Wednesdays were “Granny and Papa” days. He appreciated Granny’s cookies and learned new vocabulary as he and Papa “worked” on cars together. Tricia could see that her in-laws had a new appreciation for what it was like for her to care for her son by herself during the week while her husband traveled.
When you win, the grandparents win, and your son wins, you’ve created a win-win-win!
Soon Tricia had learned a valuable lesson: Asking for help can create a win-win-win situation for everyone! We have to remind ourselves that others might also benefit when we ask them to support us.
How have you asked for help and created win-win scenarios?
