When you shift what you want, it doesn’t have to invalidate what you wanted.
What?!
I know, that’s a bit convoluted. Stay with me… Let me explain with an example, because this is one that I think we can get tripped up on in a BIG way. I recently did (okay, maybe I’m still a little tripped up)…about the timing of the Loving the Pregnant You book publication. That’s the example I’ll use to demonstrate what I mean since I also want to tell you that I’ve changed my projected publish date…(grrr).
Coming into 2012, I wanted to publish the Loving the Pregnant You book this year. I wanted that badly, and I figured that there was NO way that it wouldn’t happen this year. I thought even with a couple unforeseen delays that it could easily be up on Amazon by the end of the calendar year. No doubt about it.
Well, now I want to publish the book in February, 2013. I changed what I wanted – albeit reluctantly, because I detest not doing what I set out to do – because I got clear that I was not willing to drive myself nuts in the pursuit of my goal. I’m not willing to set aside some of my other priorities such as my consulting business work, my running training, my time with my family, and helping my son transition to a new school this fall in order to make a 2012 publication data happen.
And…not only does this decision reflect my personal priorities, it also, I believe, is what is best for the book. I want this book and its messages to have the best chance to get as much exposure as they can. I want to try out a variety of book distribution and marketing methods, and I’ll have time and energy to pursue those if I delay the publish date.
So, I changed what I want in regards to the publish date. And, that left me with a struggle. I’m disappointed. I feel like I failed. I’m telling myself that I should’ve managed my time differently earlier in the year so that I’d be farther along with the book than I am now. I think that I must’ve been a fool or unrealistic or, at least, clearly “wrong” when I said that I wanted to publish the book this year. Somehow I’m losing face, right? Because I said one thing and now I’m saying another.
Huh! Well interestingly enough I thought of a key message that I share in the Experiencing the Miracle of Birth chapter of the book. It happens sometimes with pregnant women when they are expecting their second or third child. They decide they want something different for their birth experience: they want less people present, they want an epidural this time around, they want to deliver at a midwifery center instead of the hospital like they did last time, something. And, I advocate for the idea that just because we change our minds, just because we do something differently the second time around, it does not mean that we did it “wrong” the first time. It does not invalidate our choices – the choices we made then or the choices we are making now. These women got more data as a result of their first experience. And, given that data, they want to try something different. Even when we want different things at different times in our lives, it does not mean that our choices were not well-thought out, authentic, true and good in all instances.
So, I’m still disappointed. And, I’m doing my best to practice what I preach and not invalidate myself and my shifting wants.
I want to publish the Loving the Pregnant You book in February.
