When some aspect of pregnancy is not going the way we’d like, often what comes to our attention first is a feeling – a feeling that we don’t enjoy. We start to feel anxious, conflicted, fearful, unsettled, or some other way that doesn’t feel good. When we notice these unwanted feelings, we can then consider: What are the thoughts creating those feelings? For example, maybe you’re feeling conflicted because the midwife you thought was perfect for you said something you didn’t agree with in your last appointment. Now you’ve identified the thought that is causing the feelings to bubble up for you: “I don’t agree with my midwife on that point.”
I think it’s useful to uncover the thoughts underlying the emotions we experience. It often seems more plausible that we’d be able to shift our thoughts and then let our related feelings change accordingly. Changing our thoughts is something we can always do. And, often it seems simply impossible to stop feeling a certain way. How do I just stop feeling conflicted about my choice of midwife? How can I just shutdown the feelings of anxiety and doubt? There’s not a switch that I can flip! Well, you can go back to your thoughts and beliefs. You could believe, “I’ll get this straightened out at my next appointment when I share with her how I feel.” or “It’s my midwife’s job to support me in my pregnancy desires, so I trust she’ll work with me on this.” or “I can change to a new midwife at any time.” Whatever will work for you. There are many thoughts you could try on and actions you could take to shift how you’re thinking – and subsequently – how you’re feeling about your choice of midwife.
When Rebecca found herself in this specific situation, feeling conflicted about her choice of midwife, she decided to believe that she’d talk with her midwife until she had it straightened out at her next appointment. She thought about what she wanted and knew she was committed to having as long and as involved a conversation as she needed so she’d know whether her and her midwife were in agreement. Just articulating these thoughts and beliefs for herself, weeks before her next appointment, allowed Rebecca to immediately feel less conflicted.
We can change how we feel when we change how we think.
Please join the conversation: Do you have an example of how this approach has worked for you? How have you shifted your thoughts in order to change how you felt?
