Keeping it light while you’re trying to get pregnant

When Laura was 34 and married for three years, she and her husband decided to go towards conception. Both of them were open to having a child, wanted to have a child, but were not in a place of desperation – oh we have to have a child – instead they were open to what “life” would provide. The only guidance Laura and her husband was to try to conceive in springtime. Laura can’t explain why! She thinks perhaps it was the magic of a baby born in winter when you can cuddle up by the fireplace, and then when springtime comes the baby is already some months old and oh so ready to celebrate nature’s luscious renewal.

The first springtime, they tried only once a month, at lovemaking, because they wanted to be sure they were needed – called upon – to have a child. They didn’t want to impose on Life – impose their wishes on what was designed to be. Laura describes, “The idea of a child was something magnificent. But all the other possibilities we could live together also looked extraordinary. Our lives were already lives of service.” So they went ahead with their conscious conception offering. They were not together all the months of this spring as Laura’s husband was traveling. The second year, they conceived their daughter at the end of the month of May.

Laura and her husband were open and were so detached because, as Laura explains, they knew the mystery was too profound and that we are not the masters of our own life. She says, “We are the masters of our own choices, but the outcome is more a matter of communion with life.”

Huh. What does she mean exactly and what can we take from Laura’s story? For many of us, achieving that level of detachment – where we fully trust that life or the universe or God will enable a conception if that is what is meant to be in the larger context – is illusive. It can feel unnerving that we are that much at the mercy of forces outside ourselves. Or that we could just simply accept that we are either meant to be or not meant to be parents at this time.

Well, it’s actually an illusion that we do have control over what will occur. We can choose. We can choose many things. Laura and her husband chose to – in their way, as it made sense to them – to leave the ultimate outcome to life. They chose to make love once a month in springtime, chose to make their wishes known, and let the universe answer inside of this construct.

For others of us, we might choose to “try” to get pregnant repeatedly each month, choose to take fertility drugs, choose to engage in acupuncture to enhance our chances of getting pregnant, choose to undergo fertility treatment, choose to work with a surrogate, and a multitude of other options. We are in charge of these choices and we are not always in charge of the outcome. As Laura pointed out, we are masters of own choices, not masters of our own life. And, each choice sets us up on a different road, has different consequences in the way we relate to Life, and call upon Life for help and guidance.

This could land for some of us as disempowering – we don’t have any power – however we do it, it’s just going to end up however “life” or a higher power intends it. The flip side of this is that we can’t do it wrong. It’s not our fault if we try X and X doesn’t work. It doesn’t mean that we’re a bad person or that we’re faulty in some way.

Look for and embrace the beliefs that will work best for you. If “letting it be up to a higher power” has you feeling anxious and quite frankly resentful, then don’t make that your mantra. Instead, take on what’s empowering for you. It may be “We know this is going to happen for us” or “We’ll do what it takes to have the family we want” or “People get pregnant all the time” or “God has us on our own unique journey.” Whatever works for you.

Do your best to keep it light. Enjoy the process as much as you can. Don’t beat yourself up if you’re worried and not enjoying every moment, AND do what you can to enjoy it. Sounds like simple advice, yet I know it is not always simple or easy. I’d love to hear what you did, how you navigated this part of the journey.

Please join the conversation: What did you tell yourself as you were in the process of becoming pregnant? How did – or do (if you’re in the process currently) – you keep it light? How did – or do – you enjoy the process of getting pregnant?