I’ve interviewed over 60 women about the choices they made during their pregnancies and about how they dealt with any challenging circumstances that came up. And, we women are amazing! I have been and continue to be so inspired by what women do. And, we all do it differently. We find our unique perspectives and methods that have us thrive.
Leslie, 44, recently divorced with an 8-year old daughter was going to find her path to having another baby. As she described to me the different alternatives that she considered, I commented that she must be quite an “accepting” person – to be able take in and accept the news that certain alternatives weren’t for her. She let me know that that wasn’t it at all. Instead, she thought of herself as a fighter. She was going to find her way no matter what. She was going to keep going until she had her baby. She was pregnant with her second when we spoke! I was inspired. She was in touch with what mindsets worked to motivate her and she took actions aligned with this.
For me, who can easily fall into a control freak mode, a perspective that worked for me to deal with things that came up during my pregnancy was to “surrender.” Now, surrendering does not always sound like a very powerful thing to do. And, I can tell you, for me there were times when it was the most powerful and empowering thing to do. For example, when hormones would cause me to feel irritated and I was snapping at people, the best thing for me to do was to surrender. If I tried to pretend that I wasn’t hormonal, that I wasn’t irritable – it would have just caused more irritation. And, believe me, I did it that route and it wasn’t fun for anyone! I spent a whole day trying to stamp down the feelings and pretend that things were different than they were. It was a fight that wasn’t working for me. When I surrendered and acknowledged that hormones were doing less than desirable things – and actually told other people that – then there wasn’t anything to hide! Surrendering worked.
Please join the conversation: What do you do when the “going gets tough”? Do you fight? Do you surrender? Do you accept? What works for you?
“Surrender.” Interesting word and idea. Perhaps mothers can understand its use best. I came to the same conclusion myself and used that precise word when my kids were little. Men seemed uncomfortable and to question the use of the word but considering that we were all on the same side of rearing with love and realizing “who” I was surrendering to (certainly not an enemy) I could relax and ease into the situation to everyone’s benefit. Good for you!
When we have a grumpy morning, we often decide to try to be as grumpy as we possibly can, rather than ignoring the grumpy. Typically it works really well and we all end up giggling as we try to make the grumpiest faces we can or think the grumpiest thoughts we can think. It’s funny how when you try to be grumpy you can’t but when you try NOT to be grumpy you can’t either.
Perfect Debi. If trying not to be grumpy doesn’t work — then try to be as grumpy as you can! Love it.